I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
