no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
