I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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