Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
