youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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