Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
