Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
