Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
