Barsexuality is the new black.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
