Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
