We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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