Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
