when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
