a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
