i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
