Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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