He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
