We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
cat food counts as protein by the way
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
