ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
