Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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