There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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