Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
