When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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