We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
