as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
