oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
