In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
