It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
