You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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