I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
