I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
