there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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