he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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