she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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