how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
