All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
