something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
