oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
