last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
