Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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