It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
