I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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