So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
