im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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