how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
