yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
