the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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