hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
