Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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