More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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