Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
